| The closer one
gets to the cell itself,
the more the cell says,
"Why, I am immortal!
It's very hard for the body to change, because it lives only out of its habit of living.
Every time something of the true way of living slips in, without thought, without reasoning, practically without sensation, almost automatically, the cells start panicking at the strangeness of it.
For everything has to change. It's no longer the heart that has to pump the blood and receive the Force, no longer the stomach that has to digest - it all needs to work differently.
A new base must be found and the functioning completely altered.
Yet all these cells are so anxious that everything should work "as usual"!
When the inner being, the true being rules, the body works automatically, through the power of the inner being. But then it doesn't become conscious of its own change, nor does it collaborate in its change. And it would take probably thousands of years before any transformation could occur. Hence the true being must remain in the background, so to speak, while the body does everything by itself, that is, receive the Lord, hold the Lord, give itself to the Lord, be the Lord.
Oh, it does aspire intensely, but then the Lord doesn't conform to the usual habit! The moment He tries to take possession of one function or another, even partially, all the relations, all the movements are instantly altered panic. Panic on that particular spot.
The result is a faint, or just about, or some excruciating pain, or an apparent breakdown in the functioning of an organ.
So what's to be done? Wait patiently until a small number or a large number of cells, that little corner of consciousness has learned its lesson. It takes one day, two days, three days, then the chaotic, upsetting "big" event calms down, is explained, and the cells in question say to themselves, "Gosh, are we stupid!"
It takes a little while, then they understand.
But there are thousands and thousands and thousands of them!
Meanwhile, from above, something watches all this and finds it terribly amusing, because it's exceedingly ridiculous, and at the same time so sad! It's so sad to see that everything is like that the whole earth! This body is the object of a special concentration, a special effort, a special care, but the whole earth is in this state!
How far we are from those romantic transformations where people emerge from their meditation rejuvenated, transfigured, luminous!
At the end, a mere snap of the fingers will be enough to get a result.
It's the rest that is difficult.
This work gives me the impression of a miniature painting done with a magnifying glass and tiny dots. Miniatures are painted with a very fine and pointed brush, and you make tiny dots with a big magnifying glass. It takes many, many, many tiny dots to paint just a bit of cheek.
And it's so dull, so lackluster, so unchanging, so uninteresting that the slightest light shines like a bright star! The smallest, slightest, tiniest progress seems like an extraordinary achievement.
For example, the attitude of certain cells towards a specific physical disorder which, like all physical disorders, tends to recur. The disorder recurs with clockwork regularity; that's its job. It is only the way it is received by the cells their reaction to it that can bring a change.
There is now a difference in the cells' reaction.
According to my observation, there are two types of change in their reaction. On the one hand, the cells are less affected and are becoming not only more conscious, but more in control of their reaction (and that brings about the cure); on the other hand, under unrelenting attack, the cells can panic and become increasingly afraid, which eventually results in a terrible mess and a catastrophe.
The whole episode is experienced, observed, studied something ordinary medicine explains away in two sentences.
What I observe now is the cellular process itself, whereas they don't know the process, only the result. And I notice that, as the consciousness grows, the cells panic less and less and a sort of mastery develops.
But the proportion is such that to get a really visible result, it would take years and years and years!
Oh, how slow things are!
We only have to go deep enough into ourselves to find the inner Sun and let ourselves be bathed in that delight, that wonderful Laughter, which dissolves all shadows, all pain, all suffering. Then everything becomes but a cascade of harmonious, luminous, sun-filled laughter, which leaves no room for shadow or pain.
Even the greatest difficulty, the greatest grief, the greatest physical pain become completely unreal if one can look at them from that position, from that stand. Then everything becomes but a joyful and luminous vibration.
This is ultimately the most powerful means of dissolving difficulties, overcoming grief and getting rid of pain. The first two, difficulties and grief, are relatively easy; the last one, pain, is more difficult because of our habit of regarding the body and its sensations as extremely concrete and definite. But actually it is the same thing.
It's just that we haven't been taught and accustomed to seeing our body as something fluid, plastic, uncertain, and malleable. We haven't learned to permeate it with this luminous Laughter, which dissolves all shadows and difficulties, all discords and disharmonies, all that grates and cries.
This Sun of divine laughter is at the core of everything. It is the truth of everything. What we need is to learn to see it, feel it, live it.
The other day, I was mentioning certain cellular difficulties. I noticed that as soon as they start, I start laughing! But if someone is here and I talk of the difficulties solemnly, they become worse. If I start laughing and talk about them laughingly, they vanish.
It's dreadful to take life seriously!
Those who have given me the most difficult time have always been the people who take life seriously. All those people who have dedicated their lives to "spirituality," who follow a traditional yoga, who are very solemn and see adversaries, obstacles, taboos, and prohibitions everywhere oh, how they complicate life, and how far they are from the Divine!
It's the very opposite of what I feel now: no matter what happens something wrong in the body, something wrong with people, something wrong in circumstances instantly, my first movement is: "0 my sweet Lord, my Beloved!" And I laugh!
Then all becomes well.
I did it the other day (I don't recall the details, but it was over a circumstance that seemed hardly sacred): I saw myself and I started to laugh. I said, "Why, I don't need to be serious about this; I don't need to be solemn!"
As soon as this solemn attitude pokes its face, I get suspicious. I say to myself, "Something is wrong; some influence or other must have entered the atmosphere that shouldn't be there."
All that remorse, that regret, the sense of indignity and fault, and even the sense of sin oh, it all seems to me to belong to the Dark Ages.
This morning I had an experience, which I noted down:
"The Lord is
but the Lord is also the struggle and the Victory.
He is the joyous acceptance of all that is,
but also the constant effort
toward a more total and perfect harmony.
He is perpetual movement
in absolute immobility."
This isn't an intellectual reflection, but an actual experience: the constant dual movement of total acceptance of all that is (as an absolute condition to participate in all that will be), and at the same time, the perpetual effort toward a greater perfection.
This was the experience of all the cells.
It lasted more than an hour.
This is where the sharp split in the spiritual thought or spiritual will of mankind lies. The point doesn't seem to have been well understood.
Some, like Buddha and his whole lineage, have declared that the world is incorrigible and the only thing to do is to get out of it because it can never change it changes, but really remains the same. The result is an attitude of perfect acceptance. And the goal is to get out, that is, to escape the world as it is.
Then there are the others, who sense that mankind is striving toward a progressively realized perfection.
I see more and more that the two movements complement each other, and not only complement each other, but are almost indispensable to each other.
In other words, the change that arises from a refusal to accept the world as it is has no force, no power in itself. What is needed is an acceptance not only total, but comprehensive and joyous: to find supreme joy in things in order to make it possible for them to change.
Putting it differently, one must become the Supreme in order to help in His action, in the changing of the world. One must have the supreme Vibration in order to participate in that Movement, which I am beginning to feel in the cells of the body.
It is a Movement which is like an eternal Vibration, without beginning or end, existing from all eternity, for all eternity, and without any division of time it's only when it is projected onto a screen that it begins to assume the division of time.
It's hard to explain.
No sooner does one begin to feel it than it's gone: a Movement so total and encompassing and constant that it is perceived as complete immobility.
It's absolutely indescribable.
Yet this is the Origin and Support of the whole terrestrial evolution.
I spent all of last night in a world where activities take place in a semi darkness, which the people living there regard as light, and where everyone attends to his affairs with his own ideas and what he considers to be his "knowledge." There prevails a great confusion and a most oppressive sense of powerlessness.
It went on for hours.
Finally, I decided I absolutely wanted to get out of there and return to the Light (the real one) and the open space. But it was literally impossible: whatever path I took to get out suddenly collapsed or disappeared, as if swallowed up in a maze of incoherent things, or else it came to an abrupt stop, plunging straight into an abyss.
I said to myself, "What am I going to do?"
Just then, I saw a man, dressed symbolically as a mountain climber, with all the equipment needed to climb down a sheer cliff. With the help of his ice ax he fastened himself to the cliff and climbed down. But I said, "This is pretending to find the way, but it's not finding the way."
I stood there concentrating, and as I concentrated, I suddenly was able to find a path leading up to a terrace.
Everything was taking place in a half-night, and outside it was complete night. But when I reached the terrace, one of those big electric street lights was turned on, giving off the white semilight of an electric lamp in the night which is nothing. The terrace was very long, closed off on one side by some kind of house, with every other side plunging straight into a black hole.
I felt that pervasive sense of powerlessness, of knowing nothing, neither where to turn nor what to do.
And this was the ordinary state of human consciousness.
But in my consciousness, stuck as I was, it was almost a torture. It was frightful.
I kept saying to myself, "What's the way out of here?" I concentrated, became conscious again of the divine Presence, but something kept telling me, "Nothing is responding; it will not work." It was horrible. "Nothing is responding. It can't change. It's not working."
I sat down on a ledge, intensely questioning within, "What can I do? What can I do? What's the way? What can I do? Where's the lever?" I was struggling to find the lever for changing this condition, but I could not find any.
Suddenly, from the house emerged a little old man, who gave the impression of someone attached to old things. As he came out, I asked him, "Well, now that you are here, can you tell me the way out of this place? How do I get out of here?"
That started him laughing: "There's no way out. You must be content with what you have." Then he looked up at that poor light above, which really didn't give off much light at all, and he said: "But first, I came to tell you that you must put out that sun! I don't want that dazzling sun up here." Ah! I thought, "That's what he calls a sun!"
I was so disgusted that I finally woke up. But with such an anguished impression: "What can be done to change that? My own experience is inadequate; it has no effect there. So what can be done?"
It stayed with me for hours this morning: "What's the way? What's the way to change that darkness into light?"
I am not giving all the details, but there were all sorts of people present, with all their plans, their ideas. One would come and say, "Look how cleverly I've organized this!" Then another would come with yet another plan, and then they would confer among themselves. . . . Just like in real life!
The whole mental spectrum of life.
And my experience could not reach there; there was no contact. I was powerless. What little light was turned on because of my presence was considered a dazzling sun, when to me it was a mere street lamp.
It was so painful.
I wondered, "Why am I not happy and at peace here, too?" And something answered, "Because I want to change that." If I accepted it, I wouldn't even notice it. It's because I want to change that darkness. And only once we have found the way will there be joy.
But how to find it?
All the methods I use for the yoga and the transformation were ineffective, useless. They had no effect whatsoever. I've never seen a place so unreceptive! Yet everybody was very content with what he knew!
It is evidently a mental subconscient. But it's horrible.
In the morning, I asked myself, "Are there still a lot of things like that?" A world! A whole world of things.
That funny little old man almost made me angry, indignant. "So you want to get out of here? And why would you want to get out? Can't you see there's no getting out!"
Those are my nights.
One gets the feeling it will take centuries to change!
Or else a catastrophe.
It is getting increasingly concrete. As if the problem were drawing closer and closer, growing more and more tight and stifling.
It's perfectly obvious that people can live and exist because they are unconscious. If they were conscious, really conscious of the state they live in, it would be intolerable.
There is a very difficult period when one goes from that unconsciousness to a conscious vision of the state one lives in. It's almost intolerable to become conscious of things as they are of one's condition and yet not have the power to get out, like last night.
And death is no help
There was a very clear and precise awareness that this has nothing to do with life and death. People who are unhappy think, "A day will come when I'll die and all my difficulties will be over." They're simpletons! It won't be over at all. It will go on until they find the real way out, in other words, when they emerge from Ignorance into Knowledge. The only way out is to emerge from Ignorance into Knowledge. One can die a thousand times and still not find any way out. Sometimes, on the contrary, it drags one even further down.
During a whole hour this morning, I was absolutely conscious of one single thing: the powerlessness to get out of the Ignorance. There was the will to get out of the Ignorance and the powerlessness to do so. It gave me a whole hour of tension.
When I woke up, the tension was so great that my head felt like a boiling kettle. Immediately, I said, "Lord, it's Your concern, not mine. It's not my business." And naturally, everything calmed down instantly.
It's excruciating for those who do not have that experience, but who do have the half-knowledge that we live in Ignorance and that human wisdom is just like that little old man who said, "Why would you want a way out? This is just the way things are." It's terrifying.
Usually I feel the Power above the head; the Consciousness is there and the Power acts from there. But recently, I was thinking to myself, "A direct power would be needed to change all that needs to be changed! A power that would act directly, that is, from cell to cell, by the propagation of vibrations of the same quality."
It's beginning to come. But I was wondering why it didn't come faster, though I know it all too well: it's because we distort everything. We are so used to living in a mentalized consciousness that we distort everything, and naturally the Power cannot come if it is to end up distorted.
This is how it works at present: when the Power comes for a specific purpose, for instance, to act on someone, I am given the opportunity to see how the distortion sets in, gets automatically added on to the Power, and spoils everything. So the Power stops short; everything goes back to square one . . . and one starts all over again.
Only gradually can one learn how this really works. For the things that are added on aren't deliberate additions arising from desire or impatience or enthusiasm; they are due to habit. It's quite simply a habit. Matter is in the habit of doing things that way, and so it does them that way. Hence it must be taught not to budge, to keep absolutely quiet, so that when the Vibration comes, the something that always jumps ahead doesn't do so.
It's very interesting.
It gives the feeling of standing on the threshold of a stupendous realization that depends on a very small thing.
Sri Aurobindo said somewhere that miraculous realizations do not last, and that transformation alone will produce a lasting change. Now I understand why!
Some people receive the Force: Suddenly the Force comes, goes through them and produces fantastic results. But it doesn't happen again, because the right combination of circumstances is no longer present.
It's only when a modest work such as this, a work of "local" transformation, one might say, is completed in full consciousness and full mastery of the use of the Force without any interference that lasting material changes will become possible. And the results will be breathtaking. It will be like a chemistry experiment one has learned to perform correctly: it can be repeated at will whenever necessary.
All the habitual rhythms of the material world have changed.
The body had based its sense of good health on a certain set of vibrations. Whenever these vibrations were present, it felt in good health; when something came and disturbed them, it felt about to fall ill or it fell ill, depending on the acuteness.
All that has changed.
These basic vibrations have simply been removed. The vibrations on which the body based its sense of good or ill health are no longer there. They have been replaced by something else, whose nature is such that "good health" and "illness" have lost all meaning!
Now, there is the sense of an increasingly settled harmony among the cells, which represents the proper functioning, whatever it may be. It's no longer a question of a stomach or a heart or this or that. And the slightest thing that disturbs that harmony is very painful.
Yet there is also the knowledge of what to do to reestablish the harmony instantly; and if the harmony can be reestablished, the functioning isn't affected. But if out of curiosity one starts asking, "What is this? What effect will this have? What's going to happen?" (what the body calls "the desire to learn"), something very unpleasant will happen, which, according to doctors, can become an illness or seriously disrupt the body. While if there's none of that unhealthy curiosity and, on the contrary, one wills the harmony not to be disrupted, one only has to bring one drop of the Lord on the troubled spot for everything to be restored to normal.
The body is unable to know things in the way it did before.
This is a period when things are neither here nor there, just in between. One needs to be very quiet, very patient and above all never afraid or irritated, because that spells catastrophe.
The difficulty is that from every corner come these ceaseless suggestions of ordinary thinking: age, deterioration, possibility of death, threat of illness, dotage, and decay. They come constantly, and this poor harried body has to remain very quiet and not listen, only focused on maintaining its vibrations in a harmonious state.
The greatest difficulty is that the body's very texture is made of Ignorance; so every time the Force, the Light, the Power try to come in, that Ignorance has first to be dislodged.
Every time the experience is the same in all its details: a sort of denial out of ignorant stupidity, but not ill will. It's an inert and ignorant stupidity that by its very nature denies the possibility of the divine Power. That's what has to be dissolved every time, at every step, in every detail.
It isn't as in the realm of ideas, where the problem is solved once you've seen it and have acquired the necessary knowledge. Some doubts or absurdities may still come from outside, but the case is settled, the Light is there, and things are either repelled or transformed.
But this isn't like that at all.
It isn't something coming from the outside; it's built that way! Built by an inert and stupid Ignorance, an inert and stupid automatism.
So, automatically, it denies. There's no will even to "deny," for it cannot understand what's going on. It's built as an opposite of the divine Power. So every time the action appears almost miraculous in its details and suddenly that negation is compelled to recognize that the divine Force is all-powerful.
I call the Lord. Almost instantaneously comes a reaction or a state that denies the possibility of a divine Action; then there is always a Smile that answers (never any anger or any force, just a Smile); and almost instantly the pain disappears.
And That settles in, luminous, peaceful.
It doesn't last, though, because it's a first contact. The experience recurs on another occasion or for another reason, and there is already a beginning of collaboration: the cells have learned that with That, their condition changes they remember so they begin to collaborate. And the Action becomes even faster.
A few hours later, it happens again. But this time, the cells themselves call and ask for the divine Action, because they remember. And That flows in, gloriously, as if it had found a base.
Now I've got it! This whole process is about training the cells! It is not just another sick person trying to feel better.
It's a training of the cells to teach them how to live.
I've made a discovery.
There has been a sort of pattern in the attacks on my body. They haven't occurred at exactly regular intervals, but there has been a sort of analogy or similarity in the circumstances surrounding them. And now I have come to a kind of certainty regarding their nature.
The work consists, I could say, in removing or transforming (I am not sure which) all the body's cells that are or have been under the influence of Falsehood, of the state contrary to the Divine. But since a radical purge or transformation would likely result in the body's dissolution, the work goes on in stages.
If I go back in time to my first attacks, I see the same sequence taking place: first, a series of activities or visions in the subconscious realms, showing in a very vivid and objective manner the Falsehood that needs to be removed or transformed. At the time, I took these as adverse attacks, but now I see they are "states of falsehood" to which certain elements in my physical being are connected. And it results in dissolution there is a transformation, but dissolution, too and that dissolution naturally brings about an extreme fatigue and exhaustion in the body.
With the visions I had last night and the night before, I know that at issue were certain elements of the body's psychological structure, and they had to be eliminated. So I worked hard at eradicating them. And today was the day of the battle.
As I had worked hard, the battle was quite formidable and when it exceeded a certain limit, the heart had trouble and I needed to rest. That's what happened.
But it was all so clear and obvious! The entire process, every single step of it, was seen from the beginning. It's a marvel! A marvel of consciousness, of measure to allow the purification and transformation to take place without disrupting the balance. Naturally, if the body was unable to endure, this work couldn't have been done.
So now the body knows (in the beginning, it thought they were "attacks" from the outside, "adverse" forces), the body knows where all this comes from. And it's so marvelous! It is such a marvel of wisdom.
It puts everything in its place and makes you realize that the play of the adverse forces is just a certain way of looking at things, a necessary way at a given time, but it's still an illusion. Illnesses are a necessary way of looking at certain things to enable you to fight in the proper way, but they're still an illusion.
Now the body itself knows this as long as it was only the mind that knew it, it was a remote notion in the realm of ideas, but now the body knows it. And it is full not only of goodwill, but also of infinite gratitude.
It always wonders, "Do I have the capacity?" And it always gets the same answer: "It is not your capacity." "Will I have the strength?" "It is not your strength."
It came to me with certitude, as a straightforward reality: this is the process of transformation.
The sense of "concrete" reality is fading away.
"Concrete" vision, "concrete" smell, "concrete" taste, "concrete" hearing it all seems gone behind an unreal past. And that dry and lifeless sense of "concrete" reality is replaced by something very supple, very full in that all the senses function together, and very intimate with everything.
For a while I was shown the two functionings together so I could perceive the difference: how the senses function now compared to how they functioned before. It's gives the impression of something a bit vague, but very intimate and very exhaustive, while before each thing felt separate, precise, unconnected with the other, and very superficial, like a pinpoint.
I see that if we could relax and let go of that absurd resistance born of habit, there would emerge a kind of very soft and rounded, very full and living and intimate knowledge and perception of things. A perception as if things were not outside ourselves, but intimate.
When someone comes into the room, for instance, or when the clock is about to strike, you know it before it takes place materially. Yet this is not at all foreknowledge; it belongs to the realm of sensation, but using other senses.
Everything becomes a living consciousness. Each thing emanates its own consciousness and exists because of it. The things themselves live. And they let you know where they are, where you'll find them. Other things suddenly go out of the consciousness and disappear.
It's a whole world of microscopic phenomena that make up another way of living, a world that seems to be the result of consciousness without the intervention of what we call "knowledge."
It's a different way of living.
Everything feels as if it were seen for the very first time and from a completely different perspective.
People's characters, circumstances, even the motion of the earth and the stars everything has become entirely new and unexpected, in the sense that all the human mental vision is gone. So things are looking up!
And me too!
I saw myself from a new perspective. Things that in the past were not positively problems, but "questions to resolve" are all gone. And there is something that thoroughly enjoys itself. I don't know what that something is, but it thoroughly enjoys itself!
Outwardly, everything falls upon this body, which is still obliged to answer questions, read letters, see people, when it has so much more fun enjoying the inner experience and having this new vision of things, a vision that is extremely material.
It isn't going out of matter to see the world in a different way (that has been done long ago, of course, and it's nothing new or marvelous). It is matter looking at itself in an entirely new way.
That's what is so enjoyable. It sees the everything in a completely new light!
These past few days, I've experienced a completely decentralized physical consciousness, which manifested here and there, in this body or another person's body. It's as if a universal consciousness were asking the cells why they wanted to retain this particular combination or aggregate, pointing out all the difficulties resulting, for example, from the number of years, from the deterioration caused by friction and wear and tear.
But the cells seemed to be perfectly indifferent to all that! The cells' response was interesting in the sense that they seemed to give importance only to their ability to remain in conscious contact with the higher Force. They expressed a sort of aspiration, of yearning for that Contact with the divine Force, the Force of Harmony, the Force of Truth, and the Force of love.
The cells valued the present combination because of that.
It was an altogether different point of view.
I am expressing it with words because there's no other way, but it was more in the realm of sensation. And it was very clear and persistent, without fluctuations.
At some point, the universal consciousness intervened: "Look, here are all the drawbacks." These drawbacks were clearly seen and concerned the kind of pessimism inherent in the still formless mind that is emerging in the cells.
But the cells themselves didn't care in the least! To them, it was felt as an "accident" or an "inescapable illness," something that was not part of their normal development and had been forced upon them. "Oh, that! We don't care about it!"
And right then, at that very moment, a kind of lower power to act upon that formless mind emerged, giving the cells a material power to separate themselves from that pessimism and reject it.
It was a major turning point, as if something truly decisive had taken place. There was an outburst of joy in the cells: "At last, we're free from that nightmare!" And there was a physical relief, as if it breathing was easier.
It was a totally material and cellular action.
Actually, the moment one goes down into the realm of the cells, how much lighter it seems! The kind of heaviness of matter disappears. It all becomes fluid and vibrant again. Which would tend to show that the heaviness, the inertia, the immobility of matter have been added on. These are not essential features of matter. They are false matter, matter as we think and feel it, but not as it really is.
The work is to change the conscious base of all the cells, but not all at once, because that would be impossible!
Even little by little is difficult enough.
The moment the conscious base shifts, there is almost an onset of panic in the cells: "What's going to happen?" So they are taken up by groups, almost by faculties or parts of a faculty, and some are more difficult than others.
It isn't so much a matter of the work to be performed as it is of the general attitude of other people, which produces a sort of collective support at the time of the transition.
The moment the ordinary consciousness withdraws and is replaced by the new one, there is a need for support, for a sort of collaboration from the collective forces. It doesn't require much and it is not indispensable, but it helps a little. There is a moment of anxiety, in midair, as it were, which can last a few seconds, but those few seconds are terrible.
Generally, a few minutes of concentration are sufficient to deal with it, but it causes a kind of lassitude in the cells, a need for rest. Today, for example, if the body hadn't known what was happening, I would have gone to bed and not seen anybody.
Although more and more, the body has understood that, at each second, whatever happens is the best that can happen under the circumstances. It simply makes a movement of self-abandon and says, "Let Your Will be done." That's all.
Then all goes well.
In fact, all the cellular groups and organizations have to make their "surrender": a complete abandon in complete confidence. It's indispensable. For some, it is a spontaneous, compelling and ongoing movement. For others, it comes when confronted with difficulties. Still others need to be worked upon in order to learn.
So all the different functions are taken one after the other, in a wonderfully logical order, following the natural operation of the body. It's truly a marvelous process, though the body itself seems quite helpless.
Some cells even spontaneously repeat the mantra, sometimes with great intensity. Other times there is a sort of shyness to invoke the Divine. Yet, eventually, all that melts into the conscious perception of an incredible, unthinkable gentleness. The cells are simply ecstatic before that vibration.