| The body wonders
have sought all kinds of religions, of gods,
when it is so simple, so self-evident!
The body has become transparent, so to speak, almost nonexistent. I don't know how to describe it. It doesn't obstruct vibrations; all vibrations go through it unobstructed.
And it scarcely has the sense of its own limits.
This is a fairly new phenomenon. I can see it has come about rather progressively, but it is fairly new, so it's difficult to express in words.
Yes, this body no longer feels limited. It feels diffused in everything it does, in everything around it, in things, people, movements, sensations. And I have to be a little attentive and careful not to bump into things or when holding something; the gestures are a bit wobbly.
This must be a transitional phase, until the true Consciousness settles in. Then it will work in an entirely different way and with extraordinary accuracy.
This body has no ambitions whatsoever, still less pretensions. But when Sri Aurobindo told me, "I see your body as the only one having enough endurance to go through the ordeal. You will do the work," I said Yes.
There we are.
But now I see how difficult it is.
It takes unwavering energy and a perfect humility, a willingness to drop everything when what is is nothing compared with what has to be. There are not too many bodies like that, I don't think. It has truly a good disposition.
Oh, there have been moments, even a few minutes, when it has been really difficult! But what makes it possible to go through theses difficulties is the body's attitude: "Lord, what You will." No thought, no speculation, nothing "What You will." And "You alone exist." That's all.
As a result, a change has taken place in the consciousness of the body itself. Its consciousness is above; there's nothing left in here.
It's very interesting to follow the change in the consciousness of the cells.
A great many of them are still wonder-struck by the existence of the Truth.
That's the form it takes wonder: "So that's what it is!" A sense of real wonder at the existence, the unique existence of the Lord.
There is such intense joy and childlike wonder "Oh, so it's really like that!" in one part of the body after another, one group of cells after another.
It's really delightful.
And when the mantra arises spontaneously, then it's an adoration: "This is it! This is true! This is true. All the disorder, the ugliness, the suffering, the misery none of that is true! This is true." Not with words, of course, but with an extraordinary sensation.
When the cells get into that state, life changes completely. It's the beginning of a glorious, marvelous, unbelievable life.
All this morning again was like that.
A discomfort appears (always from outside, from one thing or another), and immediately the cells remember. They say, "No! What You will, Lord." With an attitude of complete self-giving, much more complete, simple, and charming than in any other part of the being. It's: "What You will. You, You, You! To be You not with any idea of self-aggrandizement, but to melt, to flow, to disappear in You. For You are the reality!"
All these words are such a diminution!
It's a marvel of consciousness: "You, You . . . You alone exist. You alone are."
Then all discomforts, all pains disappear without a trace.
It is an unfathomable marvel.
Evidently, that "new being" will not fall from the sky! It will come in a way similar to what happened when the human being emerged from the animal. Though the steps between the animal and man are completely unknown to us. We speculate, we've even found certain indications, but in fact nobody was there to see it! And we simply don't know what happened.
I am trying my best not at all out of an arbitrary will, but there is "something," or someone, a consciousness or whatever, which is using this body and trying to do something with it. In other words, I am doing it while being a witness of the process at the same time.
As for the "I," I don't know where it is. It's not down here, nor up above it's just a linguistic requirement.
For now the body itself really collaborates as much as it can, with ever-increasing goodwill and stamina. Self-observation is reduced to a minimum (there is still some, a little touch now and then, but barely lasting a few seconds).
But there is still the weight of thousands of years of bad habits, which could be called pessimistic: expectation of decay, expectation of catastrophe, expectation of . . . all these things. That's the most difficult part to purify, to clarify, to remove from the atmosphere. It's so ingrained that it's absolutely spontaneous.
This is the great, great, great obstacle the sense of inevitable decay.
Naturally, from the mental standpoint, the entire earth's atmosphere is full of that. Though in the mind it hardly matters at all: one ray of light and it's all swept away.
But here, inside the body, that catastrophic habit is terrible, terrible to overcome. And yet it's imperative that it disappear so the other can settle in.
So it is a struggle of every minute, all the time.
And of course, this being, this body isn't isolated. There is a multiplicity of difficulties with varying degrees of proximity. Those very close to me bring in the very same problems. Despite whatever has been gained in the consciousness of this being, it hasn't necessarily been gained in the consciousness of others; hence the increases of the workload.
The problem of mental, even vital contagion is all but solved, but the problem of material contagion still remains.
This material, cellular mind has responded marvelously here, in this body, but it still lacks the power to assert itself against outside interferences, against that perpetual contagion of every minute.
I remember when I came back here after being those great pulsations of creative Love, when I returned to the ordinary consciousness, while retaining a very real memory of that other state well, that "other" state is what must replace this consciousness of concrete reality here.
The sensation that makes us say, "This is concrete and real," must be replaced with the state of consciousness of those Great Pulsations, which is simultaneously all-light, all-power, all-intensity of love, with such plenitude! It is so full, nothing else can coexist with "It."
When It is here, in this body, in the cells, then all one has to do is focus it onto someone or something for the order to be instantly restored. So, in ordinary terms, it "heals," it cures the disease. But it doesn't really cure it; it annuls it.
Yes, it annuls it.
The condition of all the cells, the vibrations that make up this body are obviously what makes the healing possible or not. In other words, depending on its condition, the body serves either as a channel or, on the contrary, as an impediment.
For this isn't a "higher force" working in others through matter. It is a direct action from matter to matter.
What people generally call "healing power" is a very strong mental or vital power that imposes itself despite the resistance of matter but this isn't what I am talking about at all! It is the contagion of a vibration.
Hence it's irrevocable.
Until now the work has been about what I called the "change of Government" the change from acting out of habit to letting the divine Consciousness act.
This morning, the old method was completely gone in every action, every movement, every gesture, and even in all the tiny little things.
For instance, during many years, whenever a problem was put to me by someone or a decision had to be made, the answer came from above. Well, now it's become the same with all the material movements, with the attitude of the body, the cells, with the absolutely material consciousness with everything.
It began with the perception of the difference remaining between how things are and how they should be. Then that perception disappeared and only That was left.
Something . . . I don't how to describe. The word smooth is the most expressive. Everything without exception happens smoothly: brushing one's teeth, washing one's face, and so on.
It always starts by a sort of "surrender" (it's between abdication and self-offering), the surrender of the way in which we do things, not of the thing itself, which is quite irrelevant (in that state, the notions of "big" and "small," "relevant" and "irrelevant" do not matter at all). It is a state so . . . uniform in its multiplicity, where nothing clashes or grates or causes any difficulty, where everything functions so smoothly, without resistance.
I don't know how to describe it.
There is no intensity of bliss, either. That, too, is even, tranquil, but not uniform, for it's innumerable. Everything is like that, part of a single . . . rhythm (even the word "rhythm" is too violent). It isn't uniformity, but something so even, which feels so smooth, yet with a tremendous power in the slightest thing.
There are no more memories, no more habits left. Things aren't done because one has learned to do them; they are done spontaneously, by the Consciousness.
During the transition between the old and the new movement, there is a difficult little passage when the old habit is gone and the new consciousness is not there permanently, so it results, for instance, in apparent clumsiness, gestures that are less than perfect. But it doesn't last. It happens once in a while, in a specific instance, just to learn a lesson there is always a lesson to be learned.
Now I can understand why the saints and the sages, all those who wanted to live permanently in this divine atmosphere, had removed all material concerns from their lives because they weren't transformed and so they would constantly revert to the old way of being.
But transformation is incomparably, vastly superior, in the sense that it gives an extraordinary stability, consciousness, and reality. Things become the true vision, the true consciousness. Everything becomes so concrete, so real!
Yesterday I had impression that death is now only an old habit, no longer a necessity.
However, the body is still unconscious enough, not to "wish death" (the phrase is too strong), but to still feel the need for complete rest, the need for inertia. When that is abolished, there is no bodily disorganization that cannot be corrected (the field of accidents hasn't been studied), or at any rate, no wear and tear, no deterioration, no disharmony which cannot be corrected through an action of consciousness.
There's just this residue a sizable one this residue of unconsciousness that longs for rest. What it calls "rest" is the state of inertia, that is, the refusal to manifest consciousness.
And then there is this enormous collective suggestion bearing down on me. The suggestion of old age, decrepitude, death what they call "death," which isn't death (nothing is ever canceled), but the surrender of this particular form because of its lack of receptivity and refusal to transform itself. The formidable weight of this collective suggestion, the habit of thousands of years yields to a gradual deterioration: "It's always been this way."
That's the great argument which isn't true.
Every moment, every second or minute the body has a choice between continuing in the old habit or progressing toward consciousness. And through listlessness, there is a spontaneous tendency to choose deterioration rather than the effort for progress. It's only when a somewhat awakened consciousness says, "You're an idiot! You've gone through far worse difficulties than making one more effort toward progress" that there is a result.
But then, when that inner aspiration arises . . . I've heard these cells plead: "Oh, won't there be a possibility to be You effortlessly?" Then there comes such a marvelous Response! For a few seconds, it's blissful.
Then the old routine returns.
But the great difficulty is mental observation in the atmosphere around me. That makes things much more difficult. For the mind is something so hard, dry, logical, reasonable it's dreadful, absolutely dreadful! It fills the whole atmosphere around me with a vile and obdurate doubt that regards all this effort as some kind of extravagant dream.
One is led to tell the mind, "I'd rather be mistaken in this way than be mistaken in your way!"
I never believed that the change could be achieved rapidly.
First of all, one just needs to try on one's own body, as I do, to see the difference between matter as it is, as it is constituted, and what we may conceive as a divine existence "divine," that is, not tied down every second to the darkness of an almost unconscious matter.
How long will it take?
How long did it take to change a stone into a plant? Or a plant into an animal?
We don't know.
Nature organized things progressively for the manifestation of consciousness. The whole work was to transform the Inconscient so it becomes conscious. Now, of course, consciousness is there to a great extent, so things are going faster and most of the work is done. But still, as I said, when we see how tied down we are to Unconsciousness, to a semi-vague consciousness; how people who do not know any better still feel "fate" or what they call "Nature" dominating and ruling them well, for a lasting change to happen, all that must become fully conscious, and not merely in the mental way, but in the divine way!
Therefore so much remains to be done.
That's what I see every day with this poor little body and everything around it. Nothing but illnesses, miseries, disorders none of which has anything to do with the Divine!
A mass of unconsciousness.
Nor can we expect any "miraculous" intervention that would precipitate the change by force. Sri Aurobindo said that if the divine Consciousness, the divine Power, the divine Love, the Truth were to manifest on earth too rapidly, the earth would be dissolved! It couldn't withstand it.
The change has to happen gradually, in small doses.
But not a day passes without the observation that, just a little drop, an infinitesimal drop of That can cure anything in a minute. We are constantly in a precarious balance and the slightest mishap can spell disorder and death, yet just one drop of That . . . and all is turned into light and progress.
The two extremes go side by side.
It's something I experience at least several times a day.
Clearly, if the purpose of this instrument was to observe, explain, and describe, it could tell marvels. But it seems to be the first time that, rather than bringing out the "Good News," the "Revelation," the flash of light, the instrument is being used to try to realize to actually do the work, the obscure labor. So it observes, but it doesn't go blissfully into the joy of observation.
And yet every minute it is forced to see how much work remains to be done! So it won't be able to rejoice until all the work is done. What does "done" mean? It means something settled for good.
This divine Presence, divine Consciousness, divine Truth manifests in flashes, then everything reverts to normal there is a change, but an imperceptible one.
I suppose that's what helps the body keep heart and gives it a smiling peace despite the rather disappointing results but it isn't very satisfying. In truth, it won't be satisfied until it's all done, that is to say, until what is presently a revelation a dazzling but short-lived revelation becomes an established reality; until there really are divine bodies, divine beings who deal with the world in a divine way. Only then will it say, "There we are," but not before.
Well, I don't think that can be for right now.
Yet I clearly see the progress of the work. If I were destined to speak, explain, or prophesy, just one of those experiences could form the basis of a whole teaching and I have at least several of them every day.
But of course, I know it would be useless.
There is neither impatience nor even dissatisfaction, just a Force, a Will advancing step by step, which won't stop to discourse or delight in what has been achieved.
As for the process of transformation itself, it can be described like this: suddenly there is a perception (these things are very, very subtle, but to the consciousness they are extremely concrete), a perception of a sort of disorganization in the body, like a current of disorganization. First, the substance making up the body feels it, then witnesses the effects, and finally everything starts being disorganized. This disorganization affects the cohesion necessary for the cells to form an individual body, and one knows: "Ah, it'll be the end."
So then the cells aspire; a kind of central consciousness in the body aspires intensely, with as complete a surrender as it can muster: "Your Will, Lord, Your Will, Your Will." And there is a kind of . . . not something thunderous, not a dazzling flash of light, but the feeling of a densification of that current of disorganization and something stops.
First comes peace, then light, then Harmony and the disorder disappears. And once the disorder has disappeared, there immediately comes a sense of living eternity, of living for eternity in the cells.
This very experience, with all the intensity and concreteness of reality, happens not only daily, but several times in a day. Sometimes, it's very severe, like an overwhelming flood; other times, it's just like something brushing by.
Afterward, the result in the body consciousness is expressed by a kind of thanksgiving: one more step in the progress over Unconsciousness.
But these are not thunderous events. The human neighbor isn't even aware of them. He or she may notice a cessation of the outer activity, a moment of concentration, but that's about all. So one can't write books or propagandize about them.
It's a very obscure work.
None of the mental aspirations can be satisfied with that.
One or two days ago, there was a sort of overall vision of the earth's effort toward its divinization, and someone seemed to be saying, "Yes, the time of proclamations and revelations has past; now is the time of action."
Proclamations, revelations, prophecies all that is very comfortable and "concrete." While this is very obscure, invisible (visible results will only appear far, far ahead in the future) and misunderstood.
Many people tell me about experiences they've had or explanations based on what I have said or described. And every time I see they have understood nothing.
There appears to be a general incomprehension, for this work belongs to a realm that isn't yet ready to be explained or manifested in words.
In fact, insofar as it's truly new, it is incomprehensible. What I am talking about doesn't correspond to an experience the reader can relate to in his or her life.
I see the little action that would be necessary to turn this into a prophetic revelation! Precisely because this experience isn't mental, it would take just a slight inversion in the mind for it to become accessible, and then prophetic. But then it would lose its truth.
Now I understand what happened when I fell supposedly ill at the time of the Great Pulsations!
What made the doctor declare I was ill was that I couldn't take a step without fainting. I had to be held up so my body wouldn't drop. I would faint but remain conscious, watching my body and knowing I had fainted. But the body didn't lose consciousness.
And now I understand!
The body was cut off from the vital and the mind and left to its own resources. Actually, it's the vital and mental egos that were sent flying!
It was quite a radical operation.
There was only the body left.
All its past knowledge, all the experiences it had accumulated, the mastery in all the parts of the being, from the vital to the mind and above - everything was gone! This poor body was left totally on its own.
For quite a long time, I was unable to do much of anything, then gradually something was rebuilt: a purely conscious being.
Perhaps that's what Sri Aurobindo meant when he said, "Your body is at present the only one on earth capable of doing this work." I thought he was being kind. But it's true it was cut off I saw it and all the states of being removed: "Go away; none of you are wanted anymore."
The body had to rebuild a life of its own.
Now, instead of going through all the states of being to reach the highest levels, beyond the form, it simply aspires and opens up like a flower.
Something opened up and developed inside, causing this dumb material mind to organize itself and to become capable of silent aspiration.
And then the direct Contact, without intermediary, became a reality.
Now the body feels this direct contact constantly, every single moment. It doesn't need to go through all kinds of things and states of being it's direct.
The very same thing that happened when the animal became the human, through the infusion of a new consciousness in that case a mental consciousness has happened here. When the mental and vital consciousnesses withdrew, giving the impression of a very serious illness, it enabled the consciousness buried in the depths of the body to emerge.
The very consciousness that was the mind's and vital's monopoly has become corporeal. Consciousness has become active in the body's cells.
And once it's done, it's done. The consciousness awakens more and more; the cells live consciously, aspire consciously.
And what makes a radical transformation possible is that instead of an eternal, indefinite ascent, as it were, there is the appearance of a new type a descent from above. The previous descent was a mental one, while this is what Sri Aurobindo calls a "supramental descent."
It appears as an infusion of the supreme Consciousness into something capable of receiving and manifesting it.
After much kneading (for however long a period of time), from that "descent" will emerge a new form the form Sri Aurobindo called supramental - which will be . . . whatever. I have no idea what these new beings will be called.
But the most important point is this: since it is happening in one body, it can happen in all bodies!
I am not made of anything different from others. This body is made of exactly the same thing, of the same elements, and it was created in exactly the same way. And it was as dull, numb, unconscious, and stubborn as all the other bodies in the world.
Furthermore, as Sri Aurobindo has said, once one body has done it, will have the capacity of passing it on to others.
There are, here and there, people suddenly having one experience or another. Some get frightened, so naturally it goes away. That's because they weren't sufficiently prepared inside. But some are not afraid. They suddenly experience something completely new, completely unexpected, which they could never have conceived of.
I know it's contagious.