| It's . . . truly,
totally and integrally
leaving the entire responsibility
to the Lord.
All sensations are false!
It's an experience I have dozens of times a day, in every detail. We feel we need this or that; we feel pain here or there but it's all false.
In fact, it means we have left the state of Harmony.
Something is lacking and That is lacking.
We think the body is generally in good health, in equilibrium, and when something gets introduced from outside, it causes an illness. But that's not it! The body is always off balance, to a greater or lesser degree, and it is something else above, a Will or a Consciousness, that sustains and drives it.
So if we can call on and establish a contact with that Will, that Will of Harmony, while keeping the Flame of aspiration alive, then we emerge from that so-called illness which is an unreal and false sensation, merely an expression of the general Disorder and we reenter the Harmony.
And everything becomes fine.
I experienced this again last night, and that's why I can assert it with some measure of certainty: all sensations are false.
Disorder is everywhere! It's life's very condition, the result of effort, resistance, the tension of trying to reach something that keeps eluding us. That's our usual state. And that's what causes fatigue, tension, and so on.
Last night, I spent the whole night looking at this, wondering, "Why is that so? We are constantly in that state, straining after something that keeps eluding us." And the whole realm of the senses seems to be in a constant state of falsity, using that tension to create the feeling that something or other is wrong with the body.
If by ill luck the illustrious physical mind adds its own mental support, then things can go seriously wrong and become truly unpleasant.
But it's not inescapable. It's not inescapable and not real.
What I call "real" is something coming directly from the supreme Will.
That is true; the rest isn't true - merely the product of the confusion and disorder of the human consciousness. I don't think one illness in a hundred (maybe in a thousand) is true. Some are the expression of a Will to help in dealing with and removing a false condition in the being so a truer condition can emerge from the chaos but that's an exceptional case.
For two hours last night I saw that, with proofs and examples to back it. I was almost horrified to see to what extent the senses distort all the vibrations and constantly turn them into negative events, or even "warnings of catastrophe." It was really quite repugnant. I gave free rein to that whole movement in order to observe it. All the cellular organizations started moaning and groaning, as if saying, "This life is intolerable, intolerable!"
I listened for a while as it became a sort of general groan coming from everywhere. Finally, I called down the Will from above, and in one second it was all gone!
It was an act put on by the senses.
We are such ridiculous beings!
Of course we are not aware of all this, because these things tend to disappear in the stream of life. But they are there nevertheless. And they are terribly defeatist.
In Japan, I had contracted the measles (for rather profound reasons) and the Japanese doctor told me in grave tones that I should be extremely careful, that I was in the early stage of the disease, and this and that. Then I came here and I mentioned it to Sri Aurobindo, who looked at me and smiled. And it was over. We never talked about it again. When I met Dr. S. years later, I asked him about it. "There is not a trace of it, absolutely nothing," he replied. And I hadn't not even taken any medicine or any precaution, nothing.
All I had done was tell Sri Aurobindo, who had looked at me and smiled.
I am convinced that's how it works.
But the physical mind doesn't believe it. It believes that's okay in the higher realms of things, but in matter things follow the law of matter and are driven by material and mechanical processes, and so on and so forth.
So one has to keep forever working on that, forever saying, "Oh, come on, keep quiet! Put a stop to your difficulties!"
But the Flame must be there, the Flame of aspiration and faith within, along with a sincere determination to stop the disorder. To review in one's mind all the possibilities that might happen, even for the sake of attaining equanimity, is a very dangerous game. It's still a way of skirting the goal instead of heading straight for it. The Flame will burn all that falsehood.
Though I myself have nothing to boast about! I am preaching this for my body as much as for the others. I should be upright, strong, solid. Why am I stooped over like this? I know why, but it's not very complimentary. It's because my body is still subject to all the suggestions from the world, all the medical thoughts and habits.
So there's nothing to boast about. Only, I know I know it should be otherwise.
And the cells know it, too.
And there is too an obscure mind
of the body, of the very cells, molecules, corpuscles.
Haeckel, the German materialist, spoke somewhere of the
will in the atom, and recent science, dealing with the
incalculable individual variation in the activity of the
electrons, comes near to perceiving that this is not a
figure but the shadow thrown by a secret reality. This
body-mind is a very tangible truth; owing to its
obscurity and mechanical clinging to past movements and
facile oblivion and rejection of the new, we find in it
one of the chief obstacles to permeation by the supermind
Force and the transformation of the functioning of the
body. On the other hand, once effectively converted, it
will be one of the most precious instruments for the
stabilisation of the supramental Light and Force in
What I call the physical mind is the mind of the physical personality formed in the body. It develops with the body, but it is not the mind of matter itself. It is the mind of the physical being, that which constitutes a person's physical character and personality. It is in large measure the result of atavism and education. And part of any integral yoga is to discipline this physical mind. This is what I have been doing for more than sixty years.
But the mind that is spontaneously defeatist, given to fears and worries, forever expecting the worst, is the most unconscious part of the physical mind, what connects the physical mind to the material substance. It is the part that borders what could be called the mind of the cells, the cellular mind.
This cellular mind exists in animals, and there is even a faint beginning of it in plants; plants respond to mental action. The moment Life manifests, there is a beginning of mental movement. Whereas the physical mind only began to exist in mankind. It appears especially with the form of the body, through atavism, and then fully develops through education.
While dealing with the physical mind is a must the moment one practices any integral yoga, this material, cellular mind, is absolutely new.
And there is a slight hope that it is beginning to change!
I am surprised myself.
I noticed it yesterday or the day before. I wasn't feeling well, things were unpleasant, and suddenly that cellular mind began to offer up a prayer. A prayer . . . the way I used to offer up prayers long ago, in Prayers and Meditations, when the mind uttered prayers as a result of its experiences except that here it's the cells themselves that experienced an intense aspiration, which suddenly came out in words.
I was sitting for dinner, feeling a fatigue, a tension, the need for more harmony in the atmosphere, when suddenly everything straightened itself up like a flame, in a great intensity, and it was as if this material mind, on behalf of the body, were saying a prayer. What stood out was the sense of the oneness of matter, the sense of the totality of terrestrial, human matter. It said:
"I am tired of our
But it is not to rest that this body aspires,
it is to the glory of Your Consciousness,
the glory of Your Light,
the glory of Your Power,
and above all to the glory
of Your all-powerful and eternal love."
Every word had such a concrete meaning!
In the afternoon of the following day, the body was in that state again and I had to write this down, which I realized looked very much like a prayer:
"OM, supreme Lord,
God of kindness and mercy,
OM, supreme Lord,
God of love and beatitude . . .
I am tired of our infirmity.
But it is not to rest that this body aspires,
it aspires to the plenitude of Your Consciousness,
it aspires to the splendor of Your Light,
it aspires to the magnificence of Your Power;
above all, it aspires to the glory
of Your all-powerful and eternal love."
Each word was pregnant with a meaning that had nothing to do with the mind. It was something not just felt, but lived.
Then later in the afternoon came an affirmation, and no longer a prayer. It spoke with great power and dignity, almost with pride, and with a great sense of nobility. It said:
"The other parts of the
the vital, the mind,
may feel pleasure in intermediary contacts . . .
but the Supreme Lord alone can satisfy me."
This was the clear vision that only what is supremely perfect can bring fulfillment to this body.
I found it very interesting.
The beginning of something.
It started out with a feeling of nauseating disgust for all this wretchedness, this weakness, this fatigue, this discomfort all this friction and grating. And along with that disgust came a suggestion of annihilation, of eternal Peace.
But it was all swept away when the body straightened itself up: "Oh no! This is not what I want! I want the splendor of Your Consciousness." And a flood of dazzling golden light came pouring in.
That was some experience.
This aspiration in the cellular mind has really an extraordinary power of realization. If it becomes organized, something will be possible.
It's as if I had caught the solution by the tail.
There's hope at last.
This morning, I had an experience that brought to light the true significance of this material mind. I kept remembering Sri Aurobindo's sentence about its being an impossible instrument that would probably have to be got rid of. But I saw something was wrong, because despite all the criticism, the offering, the disgust, even the rejection, this material mind was maintained.
And it was very slowly being changed.
It may be expressed this way: the capability for this material mind to remain silent and still and to intervene only on the Impulse from above. For every action, to intervene only when set into motion by the supreme Wisdom.
That was the experience of this morning.
I am not saying it is final, far from it, but it's much more under control than before. Its stillness lasted perhaps an hour or two, but its activity is no longer so mechanical.
The sort of silence in which everything comes to rest can now be extended to this material mind. It comes to a standstill, turned toward the Above.
It is just a beginning.
But something is certain: if this happened for a few moments, it will happen again, and therefore this material mind will be part of what will be transformed.
The experience brings in a tremendous power, because when this material mind stops, the Vibration of love can manifest in all its fullness.
A whole transformation is taking place a sort of change of Government.
The cells and all the material consciousness used to be controlled by the individual consciousness within, most often the psychic consciousness, or the mental consciousness (though the mind has been silent for a very long time). But now this material, cellular mind is beginning to organize itself like the other ones, the mind of all the other parts of the being. It is even educating itself, learning and organizing the ordinary science of the material world.
Of course, all the memory of mental knowledge vanished long ago and I received indications only from above. But now this new memory is being built from below, as it were, with the assiduity of a little child receiving an education, quite aware of its ignorance and eager not to make any mistake. It knows this kind of knowledge to be more than limited and conventional, but it wants to be a reliable instrument, a faultless channel.
This is the mind that was without any coordination, in a constant turmoil and disjointed activity. Now it is becoming organized.
That's the important and wonderful breakthrough.
As it gets organized, it learns to fall silent and to let the supreme Force act without interfering. that means a shift in the controlling will.
I feel a material, physical need to identify with this new direction.
In other words, it is no longer the same thing that makes you walk, move, act. The center is no longer the same. And if, out of habit, you try to hold on to the old center, it causes a great disorder. You must be very careful not to let the old habit come back and take over again.
The nerves are the most difficult part, because they are so used to the ordinary conscious will that when it stops, to be replaced by the direct Action from above, they go crazy.
This is really a "change of government," when the old power withdraws.
But until the body adapts to the new power, there is a critical period.
As all the cells are in a state of conscious aspiration, it's going relatively fast, but still . . . the minutes are long.
Yet there is a growing certitude in the cells that everything that happens is aimed at this transformation and shift of the controlling power. Even when things are materially painful, the cells keep that certitude. They withstand and endure the pain without getting in the least depressed or affected, with the certitude that it is the process of transformation.
There is an increasingly keener and clearer perception of the elements of the body (considered as a symbolic, representative object) that still belong to the past evolutionary movement, as compared to those that are receptive to the new method, as it were. Although that disparity is part of their inner makeup, I perceive it more clearly than physical things.
Outwardly, the battle to eliminate the disparity causes a fever, but it's not a battle against ill wills. There's in fact incapacity to change on the part of the old movement. So violence will not bring any result.
The only thing that can triumph over that resistance is the supreme Vibration of Love, but there is an inability to receive, causing a sort of dilution of the Vibration and preventing it to manifest in its purest essence.
By certain details, I can see that a fuller contact would provoke some sort of explosion. Too sudden and abrupt a change would create a disruption. There have been microscopic experiences, which, if they had occurred in greater number and magnitude, would have caused what we call a dissolution.
Recently, I experienced six hours of nonstop immobility on my bed plus another hour of limited activity after getting up. It became incredible! All the elements, whether they belonged to the old movement or the new one, were in the same state of adoration. Therefore it has nothing to do with moral attitude.
But, in their adoration, some elements accepted to be annulled, while others yearned for Victory and transformation. It's not even that they "yearned"; they felt the victory, while the others accepted the dissolution.
I have noticed something very interesting when there is a pain or some sign or other that something is wrong in the body.
If the body reacts according to its old habit "What should I do to get over this?" - the problem takes root. Why? Because it must stay there in order to be studied!
On the other hand, if the cells have already learned their lesson and immediately say (not with words), "Lord, Your presence," the problem goes away.
It's no use if the mind does it, if the psychic consciousness does it, or even if the physical consciousness does it.
The cells themselves must do it.
A person might do it in his mind by saying: "I give myself to the Divine. I am in a state of perfect equality, ready for anything. And still I am ill! What's happening?"
That's not it.
Whenever a body disorder occurs, for whatever reason, the only way to have an immediate effect here (immediate, in the sense that it looks like a miracle) is to have an immediate movement of: "Lord, Lord, this is You; Lord, we are You; Lord, You are here." And everything is swept away.
A feeling, an attitude and it's gone.
I have had hundreds and hundreds of experiences such as these.
The general state of the consciousness is always exactly the same: absolutely immobile and equal, indifferent whether it's life or death, illness or health, in an attitude of self-offering and a sort of conscious bliss of: "Let Your Will be done."
But that's not enough. It doesn't touch here.
It must happen here in the body.
When one feels really out of sorts, queasy, helpless, unable to breathe, to move, to think or do anything and suddenly . . . Consciousness the vibration of Love comes in the body-consciousness for a split second.
Everything lights up!
It's all gone. You look at yourself in amazement. You were in considerable discomfort it's all gone!
All these days I have been in the state where one asks, "Where, but where is the concrete proof that all this is going to change?" Things do not look too great, so where is the concrete proof?
What keeps coming back is the most severe test I could have been given: Sri Aurobindo's departure. For Sri Aurobindo spoke as if he wasn't going to leave. So it's something that comes and says, "Yes, dreams for thousands of years hence!"
It recurs again and again.
But suddenly comes a sort of sword of inviolable Light: the Certainty.
One no longer asks or says anything. One has the patience of faith: "It will happen when You decide it." As for me, I am not moving; I remain turned toward this inviolable light.
Naturally, all the outward circumstances belie this.
In spite of the inner transformation, which is a proven fact every second of the day, the body is keeping its habit of deterioration. And just when one thinks things are improving, something comes along as if to show that it's all an illusion! There is always a Voice which I know very well, the tempting voice of the adverse forces - which comes and whispers, "See how mistaken you are; see how you delude yourself; see what a mirage it all is."
If one listens, one is finished. Everything is simply finished.
One has got to put one's hands over one's ears, shut one's eyes, and keep clinging to the Above.
This is what I have been experiencing over and over again since Sri Aurobindo left, far more cruelly than all the tortures ever contrived by human beings.
That's why I say that this realization isn't meant for the weak, but for the very strong. One must be terribly strong, with the strength of unshakable endurance.
There's an apex of viciousness forever whispering: "You are mistaken. It's not possible. And here is the proof of what I am telling you: Sri Aurobindo, who knew, has left."
If one listens and believes it, one is absolutely done for.
And that's what they want.
For fifteen years, not a single day or a single night has passed without attacks of this sort. I don't think another human being could bear the sight of the horrors I have seen, which are shown to me as if to say that all my "ambitions" are madness.
I have only one answer: "Lord, You are everywhere. You are in everything, and it's up to us to see You through everything."
Then it calms down.