I am only realizing what He has conceived.
I am the protagonist
and the continuator of His work.

An Apprentice

This morning, I suddenly looked at my body and said to myself, "Let's see, what would a witness say about this body?"

Nothing very remarkable.

So this is how I expressed it: "This body has neither the uncontested authority of a god nor the imperturbable calm of the sage."

So what, then?

"It is merely an apprentice in superhumanhood."

That's all it is trying to do.

I saw that, through concentration, I could have imparted to this body the attitude of absolute authority of the eternal Mother. When Sri Aurobindo told me, "You are She," he bestowed upon my body this attitude of absolute authority. But since I had the inner vision of that truth, I concerned myself very little with the imperfections of the physical body; I didn't bother about it, only using the body as an instrument. Sri Aurobindo did the sadhana for this body, which only had to remain constantly open to his action.

After he left and I had to do the yoga myself, to fill his physical place I could have adopted the attitude of the sage, which is what I did at that moment, since I was in an unparalleled state of calm when he left. And I could have remained like that.

But, in a way, absolute calm implies withdrawal from action, so a choice had to be made between the two. And actually, to do Sri Aurobindo's work is to realize the Supramental on earth. So when I began the work, I told my body, "You must now repair everything that's out of order and gradually reach the intermediary state of superhumanhood between the human and the supramental being."

And this is what I have been doing for the past eight years since he left. Now it is the work of each day, each minute.

That's where I am. I have renounced the uncontested authority of a god and the unshakable calm of the sage in order to become the superhuman. I have put everything into it.

We shall see.

I am only an apprentice, a simple apprentice. I am learning the trade!

The Descending Path

When one follows the ascending path, the work is relatively easy. I had already covered that path by the beginning of the century and had established a permanent relationship with the Supreme — That which is beyond the Personal and the gods and all the outward expressions of the Divine, but also beyond the Absolute Impersonal. It's something one cannot describe; it has to be experienced.

And this is what must be brought down into matter.

Such is the descending path, the one I began with Sri Aurobindo; and there, the work is immense.

With Sri Aurobindo, we went down below matter, into the Subconscient and even into the Inconscient.

But after the descent comes the transformation, and when it comes to the body and one tries to make it progress ever so slightly — oh, just a little step forward — everything starts grating.

It's like stepping on an anthill.

Yet the presence and the help of the supreme Mother are there constantly.

In truth, unless it extends over millions of lifetimes, this is an impossible task for ordinary humanity. Unless the work is done for them and the sadhana of the body is done for the entire earth consciousness, human beings will never achieve the physical transformation, or else so remotely in time that it is not even worth mentioning.

But if they open themselves, give themselves in an integral surrender, the work can be done for them — they need only let it be done.

Taking Stock

Day and night, I am investigating all that needs to be transformed.

Once you set out to do this work, you realize what a formidable task it is!

So far as the mind is concerned, the whole yoga has been done. And since it has been done, the landmarks are there and one follows them. But here in the body, nothing has been done! One doesn't know which path to follow — no one has ever done it! One meets every obstacle before which others have said, "It's impossible." Sri Aurobindo explains that it's not impossible, but nothing more. And he himself hadn't done it.

For the least thing, the whole procedure has to be discovered in a realm of the most total ignorance, where, really, unconsciousness is the most unconscious and ignorance the most ignorant.

Nor can one expect miracles.

To be really satisfied, the human mind always needs some kind of miracle. In its thought, the miraculous is associated with the Divine.

I know, because I was born like that. I felt like that when I was very young. And only because life has dealt me some extremely brutal denials have I come to a more . . . sober and reasonable attitude. I was born with the feeling that, yes, Truth is something miraculous, which has only to show itself to prevail.

It would be like that — without the adverse forces.

The universe would be like that, if it had not been for the distortion brought about by the adverse forces. The perversion, the cold-blooded and cruel perversion of sheer malevolent will keeps it from being like that. They all call it an "accident," but a lot of good that does us! The fact is there.

And when the hostile forces want to attack those around me, but do not succeed in making them overtly hostile to Sri Aurobindo's work or turn them against me personally, they always use the same tactic and the same argument: "You may have all the inner realizations you like," they say "the most beautiful experiences within your four walls, but as far as the outer world is concerned, your life is wasted, lost. There is a gulf you will never bridge between your inner experience and a concrete realization in the world."

This is the main argument of the hostile forces.

I know it well. For millions of years, I have heard them say the same thing over and over again, and I unmask them every time.

It is a lie — it is the Lie.

All that seeks to set up a divorce between the Earth and the Spirit, all that severs the inner experience from the divine realization in the world is good for their purpose. But just the opposite is true! It is the inner realization that is the key to the outer realization. How can you know the true thing you must realize in the world if you do not know the truth of your being?

I know for a fact that whenever matter is not under the influence of this adverse will, it blossoms immediately. And everything in the human heart, in human consciousness, in human thought that is slightly sheltered from this adverse influence — sheltered by the psychic, the divine Presence — blossoms, becomes immediately marvelous, without any obstacle.

We are told it will be all the more beautiful later — I am absolutely sure of this — I don't doubt it for a minute, but . . .

The world as it is, even upon the most perfect heights, is woeful.

There have been moments, in supreme experiences of perfect union in a wondrous Love, when I have turned toward the world — simply turned the consciousness for a second toward the world as it is . . . and in that state of ecstasy, there came tears of burning sorrow.

That is my experience.

So the indispensable foundation is an indomitable courage and unflinching endurance — from the most material cells of the body to the highest consciousness, from top to bottom, entirely.

The Secret

At times, one senses there's an extraordinary secret to discover, just at one's fingertips.

Sometimes, for a second, one catches a glimpse of the Secret; there is an opening and it closes again. Then, again, it is unveiled for a second, and one knows a little more.

Yesterday, the Secret was there, completely clear, wide open. But it isn't something one can explain — words are silly — it must be experienced.

Well, I saw this Secret. I saw that it is in terrestrial matter — on earth — that the Supreme becomes perfect.

"Becomes" is just a manner of speaking, of course, for everything already is, and the Supreme is what He is. But we live in time, in a gradual unfolding, and it would be absurd to say that presently matter is the expression of a perfect Divine.

I saw this Secret. I saw it in the everyday outer life, in the very physical life that all spirituality rejects — a kind of accuracy, of exactitude down to the atom.

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